The British in Me!

On the 30th of October 2014, I landed from the sky like an alien in a spaceship at a place called Colchester in the county of Essex in England. I immediately got a cute room in a classy hostel. It was to be my home for the next one year; the first place that I could call mine. No shared bed with troublesome sisters, not even a shared bathroom because the price for freedom, independence, privacy and comfort had been paid with my blood. I swung into action, having arrived 6 weeks behind schedule due to circumstances beyond my control, attending lectures that were absolutely senseless at first, living in books and as my Kurdish friend and course-mate described it 'burying my ass in work.' The first few weeks were a dazey-maze. I saw the impressive, the horrific, the strange and the surprising. Tattoos covering every inch of skin, cigarette stench that hung permanently in the air, assertive personalities and outfits, some of them so clingy or so sparse that one doesn't see the point of wearing anything at all, public show of affection that would be seen as the height of indecency in my home country, Nigeria. All of these are what is collectively called culture shock but there was more. I propose the phrase 'climate shock' to describe the way my poor body struggled to survive under harshly cold weather conditions far lower than any temperature it had ever known.

I remember thinking of myself as the dumbest person in the world in those days because I didn't know basic things like how to get some place, when and how to get on the bus and how to read road signs. I was always lost and couldn't even remember the way to places I had been to before. This was very exasperating to my friend and tour guide in my first few days, Tutu. I totally hated myself for being the most pathetic dumb ass in the world and thought ever coming to this place was my 'umpteenth' mistake. These uneventful, booky (I did throw myself into my studies more than was necessary) days of feeling dumb and dazed by new conventions soon flew by and soon it was winter and Christmas! I remember the Christmas trees strategically positioned on campus and although it was cold and I was lonely with few friends and very far away from family, at least I took a breather from the suffocating studies and volunteered a lot over the winter break. Dressing up fashionably during the winter is a skilled act. The winter jackets, dowdy and mostly in miserable colours, cramps your style but my winter dress sense got better with time like everything else. Christmas day arrived and I walked to church because the buses didn't run on that day and I missed the church bus (slept late on Christmas Eve after volunteering for a Christmas Dinner and going home to some Christmas movies). After the Christmas lunch at church, I returned home to more movies and carols. I was a major abuser of the free wifi we were entitled to as students. I would fall asleep live streaming gospel songs on YouTube. A film show organised by the Catholic Student Fellowship took up most of my Christmas evening. Two days after Christmas I volunteered at the VC's Christmas lunch and got a package for all my 'hardwork' during the winter when school re-opened in January much later than all other non-volunteer students who got their presents from the VC at the party. 'Santa' was at my flat earlier in the month to give me his Christmas present but I was too busy in the library. I had my first trip out of Colchester to Milton Keynes and London for New Year. It was still the most restful period of my time at Essex but it came at a price I am too ashamed to disclose here.

The flowers began to blossom in Spring and England which was only red, white and green began to be freckled with beautiful shades of purple, yellow, blue, orange and even pink. Spring meant more hard work because as results for the Autumn term assessments were released and turned out impressive, the motivation to work harder and do even better soared. I also remember Spring for volunteering as a creativity teacher at Prettygate Infant School, Colchester. As my exorbitant and outrageous rent gulped down my funds slowly but surely, I began to desperately hunt for jobs in February; going from the schools to the care homes and finally the factories who finally smiled at me. They gave you impressive titles but paid the least amount they could get away with. From 'eye-candilizing' raw chicken to make it look good enough to bite instantly, to preparing just harvested fruits for the grocery shops, to packaging cosmetics and helping in the production of cakes, my friends from church and I were regular faces in the factories of East England. How did the friends come to be? As the temperature increased, moods and spirits lifted. The cold stares and plastic smiles were replaced with more genuine smiles and banters. You would have sworn these were not the same people with the frozen moods in winter. I made some more friends and the loneliness of winter was history. It was also at this point that the British accent began to sneak up on me, making me realize how much a language and a bad disease have in common. You catch them whether you want to or not. I caught the British accent like a bad disease! Spring also saw lighter jackets as the thermal ones were tossed aside in favour of more trendy ones. The bold and daring discarded the jackets altogether. Spring break flew past between working for big grades and small money and finally the much awaited summer was here.

Summer was a splash of colours but this time, not just from the flowers but also from humans in colourful clothes. Summer meant more skin and more outdoor activities. I confess that I got too tempted at some point and pushed the hemline a little higher than my mum would have allowed if she was  there with me. Summer term was the laziest. Lectures ended with spring and all summer term, we got approval for our project topics and proposals which we wrote in spring. We also sorted out our supervisors. I remember being tossed from one supervisor to another until I found the perfect one, a sweet, quiet but meticulous and intelligent female professor. The over-zealous students started the dissertation right away. Perfect timing students like me just didn't see the point of starting so early when we had two whole months of summer break so we lazed about, worked for some more money, attended picnics and barbecues and attended dissertation writing classes once every week. It was during this time I read about a seemingly insignificant job but which I applied for anyway just for a chance to work in London but which has turned out to be the biggest job I have ever landed. I also applied to be the front desk administrator of the Students' Union under the auspices of the frontrunner scheme of the University of Essex which I was offered after an oral test promptly followed by a written one. I spent summer break putting in three hours weekdays on this job and going home to lunch and my project or going straight to the library to the dissertation. I loved working on my paid job and I loved working on the dissertation. I remember laughing through it as I remember my mum and her pronunciations of words in her language which I analysed as my project. With so much fun work to do, summer was quiet fun for me and apart from a dinner and  a picnic, I was buried in the kind of work I loved doing. Working at the union, however, did put some strain on my nerves because of my personality type but I loved the prestige that came with it and I wore (no, flashed) my staff card proudly around my neck and all over campus like a gold medal. We turned in the dissertation as summer was dying out and hit the factories again, having moved out of our student accommodation into town houses. Nigerians do love money quite a lot. I was also a student ambassador saddled with the responsibility of welcoming new, international students to the U.K on behalf of the university and leading them back to campus. Another prestigious feat! When I got notified that I was one of the four Nigerian linguists chosen to carry out a project in a multinational software company you all know very well, my joy knew no bounds. It is about a year today since I went on that sojourn in a foreign land and with a fantastic degree later, an awesome job, a wealth of knowledge and some work experience, I can only say "Thank you, Lord for making it well worth it."

At the Albert Sloman University

Me in the library studying so hard for a masters degree in England.