My Happily Ever After 2 - The Wedding Blog Post

  I am the type of person who would need something so badly and then when an opportunity to make it legally mine comes or when all I have to do is reach out and finally grab it, I always take a few minutes to reassure myself that I do need it and that I still want it, then I take the plunge. My marriage wasn't different. I knew I was ready to get married and I had my ticks and crosses about the guy I wanted to be with.  When my hubby, who was first my friend told me on our first date that he was interested in settling down with me, I knew I would love to be with him forever too. He ticked all my good boxes and crossed none of my bad boxes but some fears and doubts began to creep in like before.

  However, without meaning to sound like a nun, I took some time out to pray about it and the fears started to dissipate slowly and on the 30th of November, 2015, about two weeks after that first date, I said the magic word. I will never forget his words to me on that day. Hear them: "You have made me the happiest man on earth today." He is so cute and romantic. There was a bit of oddity about our engagement. Because we lived on almost opposite ends of the country, he couldn't put the ring on my finger when I said yes. The next time we saw which happened to be our introduction party was when I got the rock on my finger. Exactly two months after the informal engagement,

  On the 30th of January, exactly two months after the informal engagement, we had our introduction. He was so convinced I was the one he had been waiting for. As a matter of fact, just a month after our first date and two weeks after I accepted his proposal, we started planning our introduction. He had told his family members and pastor friends about me before I even gave him my word. I admired his guts. The introduction was grand for an introduction, with lots to eat and drink. We even had it videotaped. I must have taken more than a hundred photographs on that day. I remember my cheeks hurt from smiling into the camera too much and smiling at the guests all the time.

 After the introduction, hubby-to-be asked me out to dinner, I complained of tiredness but then he insisted. I got a hint and changed into something nice and got in the car. We went somewhere nice and sat at a quiet spot. We ordered some Chinese pasta which turned out very delectable. After dinner, he started saying some very romantic and sweet words, telling me of how he couldn't live without me even if he tried, how special I was to him. My only regret to this day is that I didn't bask in the euphoria of the moment and savour those words. I didn't remember half the things he said because I was too busy watching his every move and asking myself if this could be it. At some point, he smiled, got down on his knee and asked me to PLEASE marry him. I was smiling and laughing and almost crying at the same time. I said an unnecessary 'Yes'. Not my fault. He might just as well have slipped the ring right into my middle finger because I had already accepted his proposal over the phone, but he asked again and I responded in the affirmative again and we were both happy again. Oh my God, my ring was so beautiful! So, our formal engagement came after our introduction. I know that is a bit twisted but that is just us and we are unique and in love!

 A month and half later, we were married! The entire courtship lasted just six months during which we were also planning our wedding. We had a day between the traditional marriage rites and the wedding. I was indoors almost all through my traditional wedding just like I was during my introduction. Thank God for video recording, it is the only way I will ever get to know what really transpired on that day. While indoors, I was dressed in several traditional outfits and had pictures in all of them. Finally, the bride price was paid and I was called out. I was made to sit on hubby-to-be seven times and he was to grab me the seventh time to show we were officially married. I was changed into one last outfit after this and we came out to the full gaze of the guests, dancing and greeting everyone. I was shy at first and the suddenness with which I was whisked out of the dressing room, with only a few people and to the centre of the ceremony where I suddenly became the cynosure of all eyes felt weird and I was a bit self conscious so couldn't dance immediately. Soon, however, I warmed up to the good music and made some very graceful dance movements. I was truly happy and I did smile a lot. We cut our traditional wedding cake and took our seats in a pre-decorated tent. Money came cascading on us from guests, family members and well wishers and we could only smile in appreciation and saw occasional 'Thank yous.' Soon the guests started thinning out and we had family photographs. I remember my traditional wedding day for being the first time I ate starch (a slimy but solid Urhobo staple food) with 'owho' (oil soup thickened with starch or/and garri and containing a lot of potash) with a fork. It is almost impossible to pull that stunt and I have never heard of anyone being able to do that. My synthetic nails were pure white and any attempt to eat that meal, which is one of my favourite meals, with my fingers will ruin them so I somehow found a way round the eating without getting it on my fingers. Necessity is indeed the mother of all inventions.

  The free day between the traditional and church weddings was supposed to be a restful one on which the bride has a well-deserved beauty sleep to make her glow on her day. I wasn't lucky enough to have such luxury. I had my box packed and set to be be taken away to the hotel room with hubby right after the wedding. I believed that if you go to your maiden home after the wedding to pick up anything at all, that could mean bad luck for your marriage. Sorry if you find me too old-fashioned and superstitious. I had my hair made also on this day and we did some last minute running around. The bridal shower in the evening was colorful and lovely. My pretty bridesmaids showed up in pink polos and blue jeans. A few friends of my sister's turned up too . I have always had very few friends and they were all indisposed at the time of my bridal shower. My sister and her friend, Gloria did a good job of decorating the venue (a hotel room) with pink and blue balloons and confetti. I had a crown, a sash and a dinner wear. We had wine, snacks, food (noodles and omelette) and drinks. We had lots of photos. 

They say the most important day in a girl’s life is her wedding day. I’ll say the most important day in anyone’s life, whether male or female, is the day they get joined for life to the love of their lives. Unfortunately, for most people, including me, the day is a blur of people, movement, music and excited activity. Between 4am when I woke up (excitement robbed me of my sleep anyway) and 10am when I arrived in church, I  went from bathroom to hair and make-up. The bridesmaids were time-conscious ladies and in no time at all, they all were ready too. We had some pre-church photos at the hotel but most of them didn't turn out well as I was busy giving last minute instructions to my bridesmaids, on the phone with the driver who was on his way to pick us up for church and generally fretting that we were gonna be late and would lose the money we had deposited as a church measure to check lateness. We all had something to eat but I couldn't taste my food and only ate a little in the rush to meet up with the 10am wedding start time.We made it in time to church and my dad walked me down the aisle to be beside my hubby-to-be who was smiling at me with all the love in the world in his eyes.

 It began and here I was sitting beside my beloved hubby-in-the-making (no longer hubby-to-be as the ‘hubbilization’ process had already begun) with a little uncertainty gnawing somewhere at the back of my mind, knowing that this was it for me forever, for better or worse. Every once in a while, with Rev. Oke Odunayo’s voice in the background inching us forward and closer to the climax, I would ask myself if I was still sure about this, if I shouldn’t back out now before it was too late to run back to my safety nest and then I would take a good look at hubby-in-the-making, the sweet gentility of his cherubic face, the dimpled smile and all the encouraging nudges and assurance the one who owns my soul had given to me prior to this time, then I would nod my head in affirmation and would look forward to a lifetime of happiness with the angel of love by my side. In fact, I caught myself lost in the future, in the world of our dreams and fantasy. I also thought of the pleasurable consummation of our patient love, it was at this point I literally dragged my ‘sinful’ mind back to the on-going service at Avenue Baptist Church. Soon, it was time to take our vows and exchange rings. At this point, I couldn’t have been ‘surer’ and the strength and conviction in my voice as I read convinced even the audience. My engagement ring came off and my wedding band took its place. There was a little twist to the “you-may-kiss-your-bride” part. The officiating minister simply said, “Pastor, you are now permitted.” It was the moment we have both waited for. I simply closed my eyes and waited till I felt an ineffable sensation which made it impossible for me not to unconsciously reciprocate the movement of his lips. Cameras flashed and clicked. People cheered and clapped. We smiled shyly.

   The significant kiss

 On the way to the reception venue, we explored our new freedom for as much as decency permitted. Thanks to the driver’s eyes glued to the rear mirror. So much was happening around me at the reception and I was so wound up that I could hardly tell who was there and who wasn’t. There was just a sea of familiar faces. I am grateful for video camera which captured all the moments that I now relive and cherish. Also, it ended all so soon I could have sworn it only lasted a couple of hours if I wasn’t such a devout Christian.

The M.C made us do some silly stuff. We danced, made a toast, cut the cake, received presents and cash gifts that were thrown in the air in the usual Nigerian way, danced some more with our parents till the crowd started to thin out. Even before the last guest had left, my now hubby (no longer hubby-in-the-making) whisked me off to our hotel room to continue the wedding party, this time with just two guests - us. We are six months in a couple of days and I am posting this in honor of our inexplicable bond and unconditional love.

Ramblings of My Restless Mind - The Whatsapp Message.

I am that type of person who wants to send a Whatsapp message to an acquaintance but would arch my brows at "Hi Philip" and enlist the help of Google to find out if Philip is indeed spelt with a single or double 'l'. Google says both are fine but I go ahead to find out which is 'finer' based on etymology and people's comments. Etymology says the original Greek word is Filippos or Philippos, first reason why Philip with a single 'l' should be it. I go to the comment section and the comments are in favour of both so I literally count (no kidding) how many comments are for the solo 'l' and how many are for the duplicated 'l' to determine the winner. Single 'l' comments win. "2-0," I say. Then I tell myself to come up with a decision based on my own conviction inspired by some deep thinking instead of relying on a bunch of comments over the internet. So my thoughts go something like "People who are named Phillip (now taking care not to cheat the double 'l' spelling in my post before I reach a final verdict) are also called Phil and not Phill. Must be Philip then. 3-0." I go back to my Whatsapp window and type "Hi Philip", complete the rest of my message to him and come on Facebook to post about how pathetic I am (a really long post as you can see) and while I am on it,because I am an adulterous blogger, blogging about anything and everything, I think of a possible next blog post (now wondering why I can't make 'blog post' a compound without a red wriggly line intruding, because I think it has earned compoundhood based on popular usage) about names like Lily/Lilly, Mathew/Matthew, Michele/Michelle, Eliot/Elliot, Marshal/Marshall, Rusell/Russell, Alison/Allison hopefully identifying which version of each name is gaining popularity and possible reasons why it is. Then I think: "Maybe I should extend the post to include all names with a variant and why one of the variants is more popular. Stephen with a 'ph' and Steven with a 'v' would be the grandfather of such names" Now, I think: "This in itself should be a blog post because it has earned it by length." So I copy and paste on my blog window. I also thought to play some music because the room got too quiet but I quickly decided against it because that would be a major distraction. Phew! Sorry about this annoying post. It is what I get when I go on an indefinite break. I think Steven (with a v) Furtick, whom I have vicariously (I had to confirm that word on Cambridge dictionary online) been on a ride with these past three days did a number on me. My ridiculously long nails gave me a hard time with the typing and I had a lot of mistyped (not misspelt. There's a difference) words.I remember having to delete a mistyped 'k' and insert an omitted 'k' on the same line and how that got me thinking of a new technology where we can transpose letters from words that do not need them to those that need them. It all started with a Whatsapp message and ended in a blog post, with a facebook post somewhere in the middle. That's how my plans for this evening changed, which is typical of Miss Impulsive, Miss Roller-coaster-mind, A.K.A Vina. One last thing, by the time I was done with this, Philip had replied to my messages and I had changed from my sitting posture to a lying one because my back hurt and the A.C was now on because I got hot at some point. My last statement also made me realise that this facebook-post-turned-blog-post started in the present tense and is ending in the past. It also reminded me of how similarly Nigerians pronounce 'hurt' and 'hot'. It is also deliberately 'paragraphless' because I want it to be a run-on stream showing how fast my thoughts sped past as though someone had pressed and held down the fast forward button of my mind as I wrote. At this rate, I will never stop writing because I will include new thoughts as they come. The only way to prevent this is an abrupt stop: Peace! Out!

Phil and I on a boat ride across the River Colne, Colchester, Essex, England. Of course, not the Phil I 'whatsapped'.

My Happily Ever After 1 - The Pre-Wedding Blog Post.

 Happiness is what we live for and we all spend our entire lives in the pursuit of happiness, however unconscious we are of this fact. The most fortunate people on earth are not the rich, the most fortunate people on earth are those who find happiness, except of course if being rich is what makes them happy. I define unfortunate as living your whole life seeking happiness and not finding it at the end of it all. Not being able to smile to yourself as you lie on your deathbed and feel your spirit drift cloudwards and say 'I have lived a good, happy life.'

 Happiness means a lot of things to different people. For some, it is being rich and having everything they want, for some it is being in a sweet, loving and secure relationship with an amazing human, for some it is being in a comforting and heart-warming relationship with a superior being, for some, it is caring for and sharing with others that gives them joy, for some, time spent with friends and family are priceless joyful moments that are untradable. For me and some other people, it is a mash-up of all of these but with the romantic and spiritual relationships conspicuously in the centre. 

 My happily ever after story may not be as romantic as Jack and Rose's or Romeo and Juliet's but it is still the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me and it brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. My love story reached its peak exactly two months ago today and I decided to immortalise it (who knows if the internet will last forever but at least it is our surest bet for now) it by penning it down now that it is still fresh and not some faraway, faded memory. Maybe someday, when I am too old to remember the details my grand daughter will find this as a complementary account to the scanty details I verbally share with her. Also, as I like to mark, honour and commemorate everything, here is to two months of being married to an extremely delightful man. Here we go.

  In mid 2014, I met a young man who was passionate about God just as much as I was and maybe even more. Someone once posted a question that asked people where that will be if they were to marry their lovers where they met them. I laughed as I read funny comments like 'in my friend's house,' 'on the road,' 'in a taxi,' 'in the restroom', etc. Mine would have been the most appropriate answer because we met in different churches. I would explain. I saw him for the first time in my church where he had been invited to minister but he had seen me earlier in a religious gathering, not exactly a church but at a gathering of christians from all denominations. We got talking mostly on the phone and every time we met at our bi-monthly christian meetings. I thought he was so cute. I totally loved his smiles and the cute dimples that appeared on his cheeks when he smiled. I was due for a masters course in England in October, just five months after we met and because of this he didn't take the relationship further although he wanted to ask me to date him at the time. Although I was dating someone at the time and thought he somehow found out, I was a bit disappointed that he didn't ask me out. I even prayed about it asking that he should come back to me if he was truly mine....lol.  So off I flew thousands of ocean miles away to England but we communicated occasionally during my sojourn in England. Although all hopes of ever dating the young, handsome preacher's son who was himself a preacher were gone. I wonder how we pray about things as christians and expect them not to happen.

 Fast forward to October 2015, I had just rounded up my masters course and was eagerly awaiting my final result. It had been a long year for me. I had worked my way up to the top of my class, a feat that was by no means easy considering that I was six weeks behind the others on resumption. I had also worked like a horse trying to pay my way through school but most importantly, I had enjoyed God's grace in several amazing ways and had grown closer to God, stalking all of Heather Lindsey's posts like an obsessed fan and wishing me a man like Cornelius Lindsey. Something I prayed about too...lol. I talk to God about pretty much everything, from a crush to a mean remark by a colleague. Let's just say God and hubby are my best friends. I had gotten this fantastic job in Nigeria (one of God's favours which I talked about earlier) and was preparing to fly back to Nigeria to take up the role. A week before my home coming, he pretty much asked to me to start a godly relationship with him. He didn't know I was coming to Nigeria. In fact, he didn't know about the job but he would call me everyday for a considerable length of time, not minding how expensive international calls were. 

 When I arrived in Nigeria, he came all the way from Calabar where he was based to see me and we had our first official date. It was a memorable one because we were friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time and we were also lovers on our first date. He brought me a necklace which he had bought while he was on pilgrimage to Isreal and which I still treasure to this day. He helped me put it round my neck in a very romantic way. I was ecstatic, I had never being treated so specially by a man in a long time. I laughed a lot when I remembered the prayer I said that if he was mine, he would definitely come back to me. I gave God a lot of secret winks during our date that night. We talked a lot about what had happened to both of us during the absence. We had ice-cream because I didn't want to eat anything. I was too thrilled for that. And that was how my relationship with my hubby of today started. I am proud to say we did it God's way. We honoured God with our relationship and with every part of our bodies even our lips. Some people go halfway but not the whole way but we kept anything that even looked like the beginning of physical romance at arm's length. It was not that difficult because both of us were on the same moral page. He works directly with God and I had prayed to God for several years to send me someone who wouldn't defile me. Notwithstanding, I do remember a few times when we both had to walk away painfully but are grateful for today because if we hadn't, indecency would have crept in.

 Fast forward to 2016. We got married in March. My next post would describe the engagement, introduction, bridal shower and wedding in details. Watch out for My Happily Ever After 2 - The Wedding Blog Post.

Hubby and I on our first date. We are both formally dressed because I had to come from work and he is quite the formal guy.